I reluctantly went to a movie yesterday about an epic journey. As I had hours in the theater I wondered if these epic quests ever start subtly and why in real life they had to be so ambiguous, confusing, and/or uncomfortable.
I am the heroine in my own story. At least that is the plan. A yellow brick road, a fairy godmother, a movie musical score cueing specific key points…all would be ever so helpful on said journey. Taller and richer would be nice too, oh and athletic ability, and to sing like Streisand, and… totally not my life. I have to work with what I’ve got and figure out where to go and be and see and do it all while not tall. Do it while battling the forces of comfortable and safe and scary and unknown. Do it while raising human beings who will one day need to be able to navigate their own quest. Or perhaps they are on it already? Maybe I’m the wise oldish woman guiding them and that is my quest? I think not though. I am sure there is more. But oh then there are those tricksters. They lurk under your comfy couch, behind your down pillows, in your favorite must see TV. They call to you like sirens in a storm luring you with thoughts of more money, more time, less responsibility. The tricksters make you think it is ok to take a break on your quest…and years later you find yourself too something to pick it back up again.
Not that I would ever do that. I’m none of these things. I am standing by with sword ready to attack, or so I tell myself. Those tricksters make people on their epic quests:
- Think that if they can’t verify/prove it that it does not exist.
- Make them feel like prisoners of the ordinary.
- Obscure what is really important in favor of flashy.
- Despair when prayers are not “answered”.
- Make them forget that growth is achieved through small ordinary steps at a time.
- Make prayer irregular.
- Make them think the bad is permanent.
- Keep them doing what they shouldn’t. Fill it with trivia.
- Keep them distracted from doing anything important.
- Wallow in grief and shame and noble intentions.
- Dismiss answered prayers.
- Unanswered prayers are proof.
- Never ask if it is true.
I love the last one. Is it true? –the things we derail ourselves with while on this adventure?
Maybe when the epic quest becomes ambiguous and uncomfortable it means we are just getting closer to where we are suppose to be? I really hate that but ok, I’ll consider it.
I will unsheave my sword, give myself some Grace, and try to stay the course.
It’s important to note upon completion of this post and saving it the entire thing disappeared. It’s ok. I remembered and then I tried again.
I’m not saying I liked it, but I didn’t give up.
I will also concede that I might be tall compared to others.
C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters